Camille chose the letter P for her baby girl Paloma Liv. She had always dreamed of what she would name a baby. As time passed, names fell off her list, but Paloma stayed with her.
Camille faced five hard years of IVF as a hopeful single mother. She wrote her favorite names in her journal to keep her dream of motherhood alive. Camille then published essays about her trials and losses as IVF worked against her rather than for her.
The first line of one: “Paloma, Sophia, Louella to be called Lou, Rio and even Holiday, are the names I had collected for my someday would be child,” was written after she had accepted that she would never carry a child. To find herself without that family she’d deeply desired at 45 was devastating.
To heal, Camille threw herself into every other aspect of life. She’d enjoyed it too, until the pandemic hit. In that stillness of that time, she could not outrun the yearning for a child and for her life to be about more than herself.
At 50 years-old, even though she was warned that at her age birthmothers might not choose her, she began the search for a child to adopt. After a year, she was matched with a baby. Despite the contract and the fees Camille had paid, the mother gave birth and disappeared without a word. Two weeks into grieving that child, and fearing that there might not be another opportunity, she was miraculously matched with another child.
Her daughter was born a month later, on Labor Day. Within hours of her arrival, Camille was laying in hospital bed, doing skin to skin, and telling the nurse what her name would be. Paloma, meaning dove: the symbol of peace.
The gold initial P Camille wears around her neck is for her beloved baby, but it also reflects Camille. Her childhood nicknames, which family members still call her, are Peach and Sweet Pea, the later often shortened to Pea, and in writing- just “P.” Camille is proud herself not giving up and fighting so hard to make her dream of having a family come true. For her the letter P stands for her pride of her perseverance, as well as sweet Paloma.
As Camille embraces her role as a mother to sweet Paloma, her journey serves as a beacon of hope for those who, like her, yearn for the joys of parenthood. Despite the heartaches and setbacks she faced along the way, Camille's resilience and unwavering determination ultimately led her to the precious gift of motherhood. Her story reminds us that no matter the obstacles, it's never too late to pursue our dreams and build the family we've always longed for. Just as Camille found her peace in Paloma, may her journey inspire others to hold onto hope and never give up on the possibility of creating a loving home filled with laughter, love, and the cherished bonds of family.
xo
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